When a Kiss was the Cure And id Save my Breath.

Do you Regret the actions of the night? I don't regret the actions but possibly the consequences... What consequences might come of your choices? The potential loss of a friendship. So you feel your choices were valid, but you would regret the consequence? I suppose when thinking of it now losing a friend, especially over a kiss, isn't worth it. Okay, So kissing your friend wasn't worth it then. How can I say it wasn't worth it when in that moment it was everything I wanted, would it not be a contradiction? Or perhaps it was the addition of the alcohol which might have been a cause for my lack of better judgement. Or maybe I'm simply a weak human being who falls to the falter of their feelings. I'm at a LOSS. I can't say I wouldn't do it again and again. But if I lose the friendship might I choose differently? An amazing person like that only seems worth it. I was addicted to the sent, the way our eyes met and instantly our bodies were drawn together, the simply feeling of being caught, of causing a scene....a scandal. At the end it won't be worth it. But in the moment it was ecstasy and everything more.

to crave.

She stands on the corner..or is it a he. I cant tell, I'm tipsy, and trying to make it home, i have to pee. As i began to pass they call out for a smoke i apologize because in that instance i really wish i had a smoke. I set my small electric fan upon my garbage can. my bed has no sheet. and im still living out of my suit cases. must find a job. must find a friend.

fuck it.

Change. Its Inevitable. I sit, I ponder, whats next. A feeling of anxiety sits in me, a feeling of aloneness. fuck it. fuck it. fuck. it. fuck. fuck. breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe. fuck. trying to forget, impossible. i try, but why, whats the fucking point. i curse, i stress, i feel, i remeber, i curse, its moral, i laugh i cry i smile i lie. i cant, i feel everything. its human, its me. i am me, intoxicated by the world and all of its influences. whats next.

ive got a sand-castle heart

A sense of uneasiness sits upon me. A feeling i cant seem to shake..an aloness. this is a blurb. an array of words crowded amongst a page. i attempt to release but alas i'm caught up in the feeling of judgement. this is my attempt at being honest.. a few too many. an attraction. a sense of depression. my mind goes blank or maybe im fearful, of the failure

at least i shall have my cat.

a constant blink. my cursor taps impatiently...awaiting brilliance. im distraught, distracted, exhausted.
a quiet hum of electronics buzzes about my simplistic room.
tap.
tap.
tap.
am i a liar or do i lie. am i honest or honestly afraid. do i care or do i dare. a smile lurks deeply within me, a rebelliance. a sigh, a lonesome cry. do i dream or am i a dreamer. shall i dare? do i dare? shall i leap into the clean white love? or shall i forever be in a tip toe, daring myself to cross the tightrope, or swing the trapeze, shall i jump in? or do i stand in fear.

alls i really wanted was love.

As per usually my mind is wandering...the clock continues to tick but my mind cannot seem to slow. a florecent red glowed amongst the snow covered roof and gloomed into the window facing my bed. i put a song on repeat and daze in and out of memories. my life seems dull and meaningless in this moment. My feelings were elated after the arrival of a friend. the comfort warmed me. i was pleased but only for a moment. and then simply disgust. how could i have tripped myself into such a trap. like grabbing a double pierced sword i cut myself without the slightest realization. my chest ached, was this not what i had wanted? it hurt even more then the let down of hope. i pretended it didn't hurt i even smiled. but deep down i was bleeding and it was my own fault.

Direction&Purpose

You’ve got it all figured out
Shoes are polished and You’re ready to go
Goals
Goals
Goals
All so reachable
You’re capable
You can do it
It’s your motto ‘you can do it’

But…
As there always is

Is this what you want?

Distress
Fear
Pain
& anxiety

Breathe, breathe, breathe

Repeat ‘I can do this’

You begin
Because lets face it, what else is there
What else could you do

I know what you want
You want as everyone would want
To be Free
& Simple.