Perfection is a disease of a nation

still waiting for the pain to stop. for the numbing to overcome my body. sedation. slows the muscles and the mind. the shakes in my hand. and the tragic fucking thoughts that wont stop going through my mind. My mind which at times seems so unattatched and lost. What happened to the calm, unstressed, relaxed kid i once knew. I mean i know i've gone through some downer funks. but this anxiety is actually driving me crazy. and whats worse is the feeling that nobody understands. they see the out side, that girl who bakes and cleans and keeps a clean room, made bed. but what they dont see is driving me to points which scare me. have you ever felt like you were screaming inside but the only thing people saw was a smiling face. because thats how i feel all the time. Like a fucking crazy person. i dont know maybe this is just a really bad day and this will pass.