When a Kiss was the Cure And id Save my Breath.

Do you Regret the actions of the night? I don't regret the actions but possibly the consequences... What consequences might come of your choices? The potential loss of a friendship. So you feel your choices were valid, but you would regret the consequence? I suppose when thinking of it now losing a friend, especially over a kiss, isn't worth it. Okay, So kissing your friend wasn't worth it then. How can I say it wasn't worth it when in that moment it was everything I wanted, would it not be a contradiction? Or perhaps it was the addition of the alcohol which might have been a cause for my lack of better judgement. Or maybe I'm simply a weak human being who falls to the falter of their feelings. I'm at a LOSS. I can't say I wouldn't do it again and again. But if I lose the friendship might I choose differently? An amazing person like that only seems worth it. I was addicted to the sent, the way our eyes met and instantly our bodies were drawn together, the simply feeling of being caught, of causing a scene....a scandal. At the end it won't be worth it. But in the moment it was ecstasy and everything more.

to crave.

She stands on the corner..or is it a he. I cant tell, I'm tipsy, and trying to make it home, i have to pee. As i began to pass they call out for a smoke i apologize because in that instance i really wish i had a smoke. I set my small electric fan upon my garbage can. my bed has no sheet. and im still living out of my suit cases. must find a job. must find a friend.

fuck it.

Change. Its Inevitable. I sit, I ponder, whats next. A feeling of anxiety sits in me, a feeling of aloneness. fuck it. fuck it. fuck. it. fuck. fuck. breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe. fuck. trying to forget, impossible. i try, but why, whats the fucking point. i curse, i stress, i feel, i remeber, i curse, its moral, i laugh i cry i smile i lie. i cant, i feel everything. its human, its me. i am me, intoxicated by the world and all of its influences. whats next.

ive got a sand-castle heart

A sense of uneasiness sits upon me. A feeling i cant seem to shake..an aloness. this is a blurb. an array of words crowded amongst a page. i attempt to release but alas i'm caught up in the feeling of judgement. this is my attempt at being honest.. a few too many. an attraction. a sense of depression. my mind goes blank or maybe im fearful, of the failure

at least i shall have my cat.

a constant blink. my cursor taps impatiently...awaiting brilliance. im distraught, distracted, exhausted.
a quiet hum of electronics buzzes about my simplistic room.
tap.
tap.
tap.
am i a liar or do i lie. am i honest or honestly afraid. do i care or do i dare. a smile lurks deeply within me, a rebelliance. a sigh, a lonesome cry. do i dream or am i a dreamer. shall i dare? do i dare? shall i leap into the clean white love? or shall i forever be in a tip toe, daring myself to cross the tightrope, or swing the trapeze, shall i jump in? or do i stand in fear.

alls i really wanted was love.

As per usually my mind is wandering...the clock continues to tick but my mind cannot seem to slow. a florecent red glowed amongst the snow covered roof and gloomed into the window facing my bed. i put a song on repeat and daze in and out of memories. my life seems dull and meaningless in this moment. My feelings were elated after the arrival of a friend. the comfort warmed me. i was pleased but only for a moment. and then simply disgust. how could i have tripped myself into such a trap. like grabbing a double pierced sword i cut myself without the slightest realization. my chest ached, was this not what i had wanted? it hurt even more then the let down of hope. i pretended it didn't hurt i even smiled. but deep down i was bleeding and it was my own fault.